Fine Cheney $250,000!

OK, not quite. However, the Senate voted not long ago for legislation that allows the FCC to fine somebody a cool quarter mil for saying the F-word over the air. Whew! Suddenly I'm feeling much more secure about Social Security's solvency.

Against this surrealistic First Amendment pickle-barrel background, on Tuesday, VP Cheney let fly with a resounding "Go fuck yourself!" at Dem Senator Patrick Leahy on the very same Senate floor on which this bill was passed. Resounding, I tell you.

OK, I'm lying. I wasn't there. I don't know whether it was resounding or not. Probably Cheney muttered it out of the corner of his mouth. It would be much more in character. It's much easier to picture, anyway.

How did it come to this? Leahy spotted Cheney and went over to talk. Cheney reportedly recoiled. "So you won't talk with Democrats?" asked Leahy. This was, after all, not long after Tom Daschle had implored the august chamber to "end the cycle of partisan retaliation," even going so far as to suggest bipartisan family outings - at which, presumably, certain expletives would be banned, and with even higher fines for transgression. Think about it though. A kind of cross-aisle Renaissance Weekend, with the kids in tow. Isn't this the very same VP whose President spoke of the importance of civility? You gotta start young with kids. It's a damned fine idea, I think.

I digress.

Somehow, it escalated. Cheney went at Leahy about Leahy's allegations of Halliburton war profiteering. Leahy came back with something about being accused of being "a bad Catholic" by Cheney simply because he hadn't supported a conservative Catholic judicial nominee.

Defenses? It's hard to do better than this one:

Senator Lamar Alexander, Republican of Tennessee, said, "I think the vice president said what he meant to say and felt better after he said it.''

Well, there you have it. He was just being sincere. That's cool. (Hm, I wonder: did Lamar Alexander vote for the legislation to fine expletives on the air?)

But wait a minute: did Cheney really mean that he wanted Leahy to go fuck himself? Oh boy, yoga teachers everywhere, take note.

Anyway, there's your cue, people: go out to the balcony, take a deep breath, and yell: "Go Fuck Yourself!" Over and over. You'll feel better. Much better. It's OK now. Even Republicans think so.

Just don't get caught on the air.