Transcendental Bloviation

Politics, Space, Japan

Monday, August 23, 2004

What About the Hedge Fund Mistress?

Whatever you do today, don't look at www.hedgefundmistress.com.

Oh, you peeked, did you? (And if she finally figured out how to take it down, here's Daily Kos on the subject.)

Lee Roystone is the pen name of one Lee Whitnum, who was somehow a Harvard graduate student long ago, despite her evident lack of mastery of punctuation as basic as the question mark. Somehow, she is also a "former computer science teacher," according to The Washington Post's Reliable Source, even though she has trouble with web interfaces designed for 12-and-up. She was John Kerry's girlfriend for a wonderful, whirlwind 20 months of her life, way back when. Until he dumped her for someone with a brain, I guess: Teresa.

Could Whitnum have been what Bush was referring to when he announced his opposition to Ivy League 'legacies'?

Now she's putting out a novel, Hedge Fund Mistress, using her erstwhile romance with Kerry as an initial plot point. What's next? Pork Belly Futures Gigolo? Or maybe she'll get a million dollar advance to write Martha Stewart into a plotline lifted from Chained Heat? Stay tuned for Whitnum's talk show appearances. This could be weirder than anything in this election season so far.

Before embarking on HFM, Lee Whitnum wrote an SF novel called What About the Dead? Well, what about the dead, anyway? Her answer is complex. And lost in space. Somewhere in the inky void between her ears.

Maybe the problem is that she didn't use a Montblanc Limited Edition Franz Kafka fountain pen, which is presumably different from the inscription device used in his short story, In the Penal Colony. I'm sure that, coming from her, the agony would be roughly equivalent, however.

Franz Kafka pens in a Montblanc limited edition. I know you think this is a joke. It isn't. Not to go Dave Barry on you or anything, but I am not making this up. I got it from a press release excerpt at the end of The Reliable Source column cited above.
Headlines have been plagued with celebrity trials this summer -- Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart, Cameron Diaz and Courtney Love, to name just a few. With pleas of 'not guilty' before the courtroom, their appeals are reminiscent of Joseph K. in Franz Kafka's 'The Trial.' Above the law, breaking the law, whatever the law, it's clear that establishing one's innocence is the celebrity trend of the summer. . . . Montblanc's verdict is in: The Limited Edition Franz Kafka fountain pen is the ultimate accessory for summer trials. Dressed in bordeaux transparent resin, The Kafka writing instrument transitions from square to round. Available in fountain pen ($725) and ballpoint pen ($395) at Montblanc boutiques nationwide, including Washington DC Boutique.
Looks like Montblanc has no website - course not, they are Elegant Luddites! The Web is The Competition. Death before dishonor! However, a little googling reveals that the product, at least, is for real. As for the press release, so Onionesque ... well, maybe Lee Whitnum does PR for Montblanc?

13 Comments:

At 9:41 AM, Blogger Morgan Wright said...

I dated Lee Whitnum in 1988. I know all about her.

 
At 11:02 AM, Blogger Morgan Wright said...

Scratch that. It was 1987, and I don't know all about her. Sorry. After all, what can you learn about somebody in only 6 months of dating other what they tell you, (if what they tell you is actually true)? But it's good to see she's finally become rich and famous in her own mind, sorry to see that her great looks are starting to fade, she was drop-dead gorgeous at 26, with a hot body, cute legs, and really nice, plump boobs. I really brought out the breast in her, they were quite a handful, let me tell you, though I never got a chance to slip her the salami, a fact that I have rued all these years. (I hope I spelled rue correctly). Harvard grad? Not convinced about that though. The Alumni House at Harvard must be overwhelmed trying to verify the names of all the people who claim to have gone there. So what do you say now Lee, wanna ball?

 
At 11:10 AM, Blogger Morgan Wright said...

And yeah, she was a computer science teacher. She was teaching computer science at a private high school in NYC when I dated her. That much is true. The thing I said about nice boobs was true, too. Oooooooh weeee! Man I wish I had bung her.

 
At 3:00 AM, Anonymous Hedge Fund said...

I like the news, even know I have just read the news now, I became interested to know what is a Hedge fund and what it really means.

 
At 2:04 PM, Anonymous xlpharmacy said...

I know that Harvard is a prestigious place but I don't know why people take them so high.

 
At 4:12 AM, Anonymous lee the liar said...

This anti-Semitic psychiatric case is now trying to trick 90-year-old men into handing over all their money to her.

 
At 4:16 AM, Anonymous mrs kissel said...

Lee Whitnum -- an anti-Semitic psychiatric case -- is now trying to trick 90-year-old men into handing over all their money to her.

 
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