What About the Hedge Fund Mistress?

Whatever you do today, don't look at www.hedgefundmistress.com.

Oh, you peeked, did you? (And if she finally figured out how to take it down, here's Daily Kos on the subject.)

Lee Roystone is the pen name of one Lee Whitnum, who was somehow a Harvard graduate student long ago, despite her evident lack of mastery of punctuation as basic as the question mark. Somehow, she is also a "former computer science teacher," according to The Washington Post's Reliable Source, even though she has trouble with web interfaces designed for 12-and-up. She was John Kerry's girlfriend for a wonderful, whirlwind 20 months of her life, way back when. Until he dumped her for someone with a brain, I guess: Teresa.

Could Whitnum have been what Bush was referring to when he announced his opposition to Ivy League 'legacies'?

Now she's putting out a novel, Hedge Fund Mistress, using her erstwhile romance with Kerry as an initial plot point. What's next? Pork Belly Futures Gigolo? Or maybe she'll get a million dollar advance to write Martha Stewart into a plotline lifted from Chained Heat? Stay tuned for Whitnum's talk show appearances. This could be weirder than anything in this election season so far.

Before embarking on HFM, Lee Whitnum wrote an SF novel called What About the Dead? Well, what about the dead, anyway? Her answer is complex. And lost in space. Somewhere in the inky void between her ears.

Maybe the problem is that she didn't use a Montblanc Limited Edition Franz Kafka fountain pen, which is presumably different from the inscription device used in his short story, In the Penal Colony. I'm sure that, coming from her, the agony would be roughly equivalent, however.

Franz Kafka pens in a Montblanc limited edition. I know you think this is a joke. It isn't. Not to go Dave Barry on you or anything, but I am not making this up. I got it from a press release excerpt at the end of The Reliable Source column cited above.

Headlines have been plagued with celebrity trials this summer -- Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart, Cameron Diaz and Courtney Love, to name just a few. With pleas of 'not guilty' before the courtroom, their appeals are reminiscent of Joseph K. in Franz Kafka's 'The Trial.' Above the law, breaking the law, whatever the law, it's clear that establishing one's innocence is the celebrity trend of the summer. . . . Montblanc's verdict is in: The Limited Edition Franz Kafka fountain pen is the ultimate accessory for summer trials. Dressed in bordeaux transparent resin, The Kafka writing instrument transitions from square to round. Available in fountain pen ($725) and ballpoint pen ($395) at Montblanc boutiques nationwide, including Washington DC Boutique.

Looks like Montblanc has no website - course not, they are Elegant Luddites! The Web is The Competition. Death before dishonor! However, a little googling reveals that the product, at least, is for real. As for the press release, so Onionesque ... well, maybe Lee Whitnum does PR for Montblanc?